Can you sell sexy and be real? Yes you can.

Everywhere I look, there is sexy being sold in someway. In Facebook, on Instagram, TV, every second poster you see etc. And while the figures usually entertain my minds eye, there is nothing happening in my body. It doesn't arouse anything.

I bet most people look at the world through their minds eye. Through thoughts, beliefs and structures that make up the ego, or psychological self. So it's only natural, that our sexuality and our bodies follow what the mind sees as sexy. For those people, all the marketing and entertainment probably works. It worked for me at least.

Ever since falling in contact with my body through the practice of presence, or with my genitals to be more precise, my experience of sexual arousement hasn't been the same. The same figures, pictures and gestures that used to arouse me don't do it anymore.

This has made me look at marketing, selling and the outpouring of sexy in a different way. Most of it feels hollow. There isn't that something that makes my body turn on.

So it made me think. Can you sell sexy in a way that talks to people with presence? If, what are the factors that make it work?


The first thing my own experience is telling me, IT HAS TO BE REAL.

What does it mean that it is real? Well, let's imagine we have a person who has no background with practicing presence but has a solid background in modeling. While watching the event of making sexy and moneymaking pictures of this person, we might feel inspired about the preciseness of his/her movements and/or the elegance and perfection of portraying the exact image of sexy that we have in our minds. But we don't get turned on. We are seeing art and visual beauty being made.

Let's then bring in a person who, lets say, has no background in modeling but has a genuine interest in being seen with her body and sexuality, as well as the capacity of being present. He/she might be feeling fear and excitement, as well as other things.

While watching at this person being in front of the camera, we can see how they breathe and feel in to their experience. When they feel fear, we might feel fear. When they feel curious and joyful, our hearts open up this experience. And when energy moves in their genitals, we feel it too.

This is when the sexy being sold to us is real. What touches our bodies and hearts is the actual energy that the other is experiencing. Not the image being portrayed.


The audience has to be open to contact, as in open to what they themselves experience while being in contact with the one sharing. If this doesn't happen, we cannot feel what the other person is experiencing.

It could and often times happens, that when something real is being shown, it tries to reach out for that real in us. If we are not open to it, we might instead be experiencing the resistance, lack of or defense against that part of ourselves.

Whether there is enough audience for a real sexy, remains to be seen.

One thing that makes producing sexy both a challenge and an interesting thing is the fact that WE CANNOT CONTROL OR FORCE THE REAL.

For someone to move us beyond our minds, emotionally and physically, they have to somehow want to share their emotions and body. If it is their sexuality that they want to share, there has to be a an authentic sexual energy, as well a natural desire to express it. This is something you cannot produce.

So in order for a REAL & SEXY franchise to happen, there has to be a branch of people who are in contact with their bodies, emotions and sexuality. Most importantly, these people have to have a genuine interest in expressing and/or sharing these parts of themselves with others.

There is the question why someone would like to sell their bodies like that? And like in every other thing, for some people that might be the truth right now. They just like it. Or, as it is for me with many things, it might feel like something that helps life unfold. There are as many callings and paths as there are people and moments.

Not so long ago I was witnessing a performance that was meant to be sexual and fun. It turned out not to be. While watching the performance, I couldn't help but be assured, that there is a better way of doing this.

Presence, spirituality, authenticity and going for a better world doesn't mean that there won't be a sexy anymore, at least not for all of us I think.

But it could be innocent and real. Move us and be something that helps us express our being through our bodies. Without losing its beauty, artistic nature, power or mystique.

One thing we always lose when we are speaking of presence is the shadow. When we bring things out in the open, they change and become what they are in their pure form. I believe there will be a time when sexy will be cherished like this.

(photo by: Lana Abie,

Aaro Löf