Getting sober from my self
For a long time every day will be worse then the one before. The more I resist the urge to drink, meaning follow my thoughts, urges and impulses, the stronger the symptoms of withdrawal become.
It was soothing to know this. It made me understand why getting sober and being present was so hard. The familiar me is like a drug. A medicine that helps me escape the present.
But how long will it last? When will the experience of clarity, openness, support and warmth become the most dominant? When will it cease to be a support for going through the withdrawal and turn in to the substance of my life? When will I be clean again?
There's no answer. There's just the calling to stay with it. Stay present. Witness the symptoms and understand the the reasons behind my addiction.
One day, I will not be an addict anymore. Until that I'll keep my heart open, my mind clear and my body sensing, for I am getting sober from myself.